Remember that this is unedited text -- like "letters to the editor." Identifying information, such as names, has been removed; but otherwise it is posted here pretty much as it came in. So read it as personal opinion shared with warm intentions but without authority of any kind.
I wish new nursing mothers were told more about the "free hand" stuff at the very beginning, so they can have a chance to try to develop the baby's attachment to something that the mom can live with. However, like most everything else about babies, we can't always control this choice. My son used to like to flick my thumb tip, which was never a problem for me. I tried to offer my thumb to my daughter but it never "took."
My daughter is three years and four months old. When she nurses, she insists on having both hands on my breasts and squeezing. I hate to admit it, but this makes me very angry. I don't know what is behind my anger. I wish that it didn't bother me. I have friends who don't mind thier toddlers doing this at all. All I know is that I just can't deal with it. So, instead of sitting there in anger and resenting nursing, I decided that I just can't allow it. I cover my other breast with my shirt and tell my daughter to stop. She gets upset for a few minutes and then accepts it. Once she accepts it, I enjoy nursing. I still feel guilty about not allowing the squeezing. I feel that there is a struggle between her needs and my needs.
I just found your site and boy am I happy. My daughter, who is a week shy of 34 months, drives me ABSOLUTELY CRAZY with her nipple twiddling. It does not matter how many times I tell her, "Mommy does not like it when you twist her nipple" she still goes right back to doing it. It is most annoying at bedtime, which by the way is a co-sleeping situation. I turn into MONSTER MOM when my darling daughter demands to nurse in the middle of the night and insists on twiddling my other nipple. I'm just glad that I discovered how other mothers have coped with this nipple twiddling business.
My son is 17 mos. old and his free hand habit is to stick it up my shirt and "flick" his fingers back and forth against the fabric. In fact, he can't fall asleep for naps or nighttime unless he is doing this. If he's not nursing to sleep, he plays peek-a-boo with my shirt and usually starts cracking up and the milk begins to gurgle in his throat and dribble out the sides of his mouth.
When my son was younger (maybe about 6 - 8mths), I started letting him hold a bear in his free hand. Maybe it wasn't too good an idea, because unless he's really tired, he needs to hold his "bear bear" while nursing! [A lot of mothers who have had to deal with annoying habits might think this was indeed a good idea, a more acceptible habit than what some of these little people will come up with on their own.]
I (idiotically) permitted my daughter to get into the habit of holding my other breast while nursing, and it, of course, escalated to nipple twiddling. I thought I would lose my mind! So one night at 3 a.m. after 2 hours of nipple twiddling, I told her she could nurse, but she could not play with mommy's nipple. She naturally pitched a fit, but I remained firm, acknowledged her anger, told her I loved her, and held her (when she'd let me--she has my temper ;) ). These battles continued in diminishing fury for about 3 days every time she would nurse (I might add that getting her to sleep for about 2 days was difficult because her anger would energize her). Now, a few weeks later, she not only accepts it with grace when occasionally I have to stop a little hand from attempting to pinch a nipple (I actually admire her determination!), but she politely pulls my shirt down over the finished breast when she switches sides!!!
My first was a real nipple-twiddler. I was reassured to see a picture of an Indian goddess nursing her son/toddler, and he had his free hand on the other nipple. I guess they're just fun things to play with. I did stop my daughter, maybe it was when I was pregnant, but she moved on to the earlobe- hers or anyone's, and still does it. I wonder if having her fill of nipple-twiddling would have prevented this.
I just had a great time exploring your site, and it was such a relief to know that other nursing toddlers are into the "nipple twiddles." My 19-month old son is very adamant about his habit and resorts to high-pitched screaming when I attempt to curtail his twiddling. It is embarrassing, and so we nurse only in private. I don't have an issue with his not being ready to wean yet, however it does get uncomfortable when his nails need to be cut. I have tried what I thought to be everything, like the stuffed animal replacement, but he throws it away. I would welcome any other input on how to get him to stop this annoying little habit. I had mostly accepted it as just an annoyance and have resigned to it's continuance, until reading your comments here. It would be a true relief to hear any ideas on urging him to stop. I do enjoy our cuddle time still, and am so glad to have him nursing and still in our bed. It has been very beautiful. Any suggestions would be welcome.
I just discovered this page and Oh what a joy to read about other mothers in the same situation as I am!!
My daughter is 2 1/2 and still nurses frequently, mostly to get to sleep. She shares our bed and when, late at night she stirs and needs comforting, she nurses and twiddles. It really only bothers me when I am also tired and she can't quite drop off to sleep and the twiddling persists for over an hour! Then I tell her Mommy needs a break and could she please cuddle with Daddy or twiddle her binky. Sometimes this works and she drops off with my husband. Other times it is frustrating because of course, the length of time a 2-year-old thinks is enough for a "break" is about 30 seconds!
I went to your site and read the section on nipple fiddling. My daughter did that. That was one reason I finally weaned her. It upset my husband so much. But she held my whole breast, not my nipple. None of my others did it. I'd never heard of it before. Wish I'd known how common it is! I thought she was going to end up being a lesbian or something :-). Unfortunately, she started potty training at the same time, and discoved she had a new place she could fiddle with at her own discretion in the freedom of her panties (unrestricted like in a diaper). Oh well. This too shall pass.
My older daughter, now 4 and weaned, really enjoyed the skin-to-skin contact of breastfeeding. When she was just over a year old, she began maintaining that contact between nursings by putting her little hand down my shirt and resting it between my breasts. She liked to do this a lot when I was holding her, at home, church, the grocery store, wherever. My husband sometimes worried about how this looked to other people, but I simply responded to the needs of my child and tried to overlook the fact that my shirts were all getting stretched out around the neckline. Long after she weaned she continued to put her hand down my shirt, until well after her third birthday. She seemed to take great comfort from it. Sometimes she would even place her hand on my tummy instead. As she got older, she began to ask for what she wanted, calling out "I want your breasts!" Somewhat embarrassing at times. This was before I had read your book and discovered the value of code words. Sometimes I miss those little hands that treated my body as their own. Of course now the baby owns those breasts . . . . I never read anything about other children doing this, although I met a woman once while my daughter had her hand in my shirt who said that her daughter used to do that too. I suspect that my unique experience is not as rare as I once thought.
A mother writes that her daughter, age 26 months, likes to put her hand on the other breast when she is nursing: She likes to put it on the nipple... she would like to twiddle, I am sure, but we try to compromise... the compromise being that she can lay her hand there if she will keep it still. It's funny because she knows that I will not allow it in public... even though I don't think I've ever had to tell that. Sometimes I really don't feel like having her put her hand there, so I tell her that "I don't feel like it right now" and that if she wants to nurse right then, she can't do that. But sometimes she insists so strongly... with such a pleading in her voice (she says, "Hand! Hand!")... that I go ahead and let her even when I really don't feel like it.
My daughter has created a new "free hand" habit. I have a prominent mole below and between my breasts. It used to be only slightly prominent, but now is VERY prominent. Once she discovered it, at just a couple of months old, it became very important to her before I realized what was going on. I tried to fight it, but it was too late. You can be sure I keep her fingernails well trimmed. Now that she is quite verbal, she often asks for "surse-surse and mole"! When we sit down to nurse, she often first gets her finger situated on the mole just right, then latches on. At first I was very concerned about the irritation possibly triggering cancerous development, but my midwife assured me this was not a problem.
My biggest annoyance while my daughter is nursing is her foot. She likes to put her upper foot in my face. Nothing I've tried seems to work. If I ask her to stop doing something with her free hand she will, but short of stopping the nursing session the foot stays up. I've tried holding down her leg but that only works temporarily. Help!
My son started to twiddle my other nipple when he was about 15 months but has now at the age of 27 months does this infrequently. He did however have a very annoying habit around 24 months which I am so happy has passed. He would want to remove his shoes and socks while he was nursing and then he would wrap his toes around the other nipple and play with it while he nursed. I found this to be funny but really pretty yucky. I would much rather him twiddle my nipples with his hands than his feet.
My son twirled my hair. It was cute at first and painful later. He still twirls my hair in his sleep. He's four now and weaned a year ago. When my daughter was born, I NEVER let her twirl my hair. I had learned my lesson. She pinches. She takes the littlest amount of skin possible and rolls it between her sharp finger nails. Ouch! I don't know how many children I will have to nurse before I find the answer to these annoyances. But, that's all they are. Annoyances. Breastfeeding is still wonderful and worth it. I'm happy that I'm their "lovey." Better me than a blanket or teddy bear!
My son is always fiddling with the other side and it drives me CRAZY... I find that nothing really works, he is very persistant...I say no over and over, push his hand away, clamp my arm down over that breast...and if I let my guard down for a second he is twiddling away again! So suggestions please!
My daughter developed a free hand habit which she still has. While nursing at least one of her hands-sometimes both- are in my armpit (sometimes one hand in each armpit). She generally rubs and rolls skin in my armpit. Luckily, I have always used a natural deodorant! Sometimes, she will pinch. I just tell her she is pinching and she needs to stop. Recently, while rubbing my armpit, she stopped breastfeeding to say, "That's not pinching, is it?" I have never tried to stop this habit. As soon as she could talk in sentences she would say, "I love your 'pit'!" which is quite a compliment since no one has ever loved my "pit". Sometimes rather than ask for "mama milk", she will just say, "I need the pit". She will also snuggle up to me and stuff her hand in my armpit as if it were a security blanket. I had wondered how it started until my son breastfeeding in bed reached up and started doing the same thing.
What a joy to read about another child with an armpit fetish! My daughter started by putting her free hand over her face, which seemed to help her close her eyes and tune out the world. Then the hand migrated into my armpit, where it would wiggle, and wiggle, and wiggle. I tried shaving, not shaving, waxing - nothing dissuaded her. The double sensation of nursing and having my armpit poked like that was unbearable and we finally arrived at the compromise (over a period of about a year) where she could do one or the other but not both at the same time. She is 3.5 now, still nursing though she hasn't fallen asleep at the breast since she was about 2. Instead she comes off the breast and puts her hand in my armpit. We were reading a bedtime book in which a girl gets a cuddle and a kiss for goodnight; my daughter remarked: I get new-news and my hand in your armpit instead. She also puts her hands in my armpits during the day in between nursings. She also sticks her hand in the armpits of other special people: Dad, one Grandma, and recently baby brother. The embarrassing part is that she will often take the hand out and smell it, deeply inhaling. And lets face it, if you're attachment parenting and carrying a child around, there's going to be some smell no matter how well or often you wash. I guess that we forget that children are sensualists - the touch and smell of people they love are terribly important to them.