Remember that this is unedited text -- like "letters to the editor." Identifying information, such as names, has been removed; but otherwise it is posted here pretty much as it came in. So read it as personal opinion shared with warm intentions but without authority of any kind.
My daughter is 3 years old (last week) and still happily nursing. In fact, I tried to wean her as part of turning 3, like a friend did, and she told me that she doesn't want to be 3 if she cannot nurse. How do you like that? If anyone told me I'd be nursing a 3 year old when I was pregnant, I would have told them they were crazy. I work full time, and it has not always been easy. I have driven home madly at lunch to nurse her, and nursed her on breaks at a sitters. She went into regular daycare 2 days a week at 18 months, and at about 30 months she started going for 3 days a week. When some virulent disease ravages the other kids, she doesn't get sick, or if she does it is hardly noticeable. I keep my secret recipe to myself and chuckle slyly at the sight of all the other runny noses. . . .
I am one of those people, albeit working PT, who is nursing (well, he hasn't in a couple of days) a three year, 10 month old. It has not been the easiest thing in the world to do at times. I had to educate a former boss on the subject, after she called my son "poor baby" because I was still nursing him when he was about two.
I have had to work outside the home since my 2 1/2-year-old daughter was a tiny baby and I would really urge parents in my situation not to supplement as I have seen so many moms at my daughter's "school" accidentally wean that way, but that's not really a toddler issue.
How to handle questions of coworkers after the baby was six months old was very tricky. I was away from my daughter 13 hours on the days I worked, so I needed to keep pumping. . . .
My baby is currently nine months old. I have no idea how long I should continue pumping. I was initially assuming I would until he was a year old, but have read nothing that gives recommendations for pumping once a child is a toddler. Should I continue to pump past that, and for how long?
I brought up the question at my last LLL meeting. The other women who pumped said that they noticed when their children started taking less breastmilk at daycare, and stopped pumping then.
I am encouraging my nine-month-old to use a cup. I'm sure it's not a big deal, but I feel uncomfortable giving him cow's milk from a bottle once he's a year old, and don't mind so much giving it to him from a cup. I figure at this point that as long as he really wants a bottle, I'll keep pumping for him, but that may change after he's a year old.
Your book [1982 edition] is very clear on the notion that mothers of young children should not work (or at least that a young child should stay with a parent full time and not be left with a hired caregiver), and it was difficult for me to get past that when I first read it. I had the same experience with LLL, not so much that I felt people were judgmental about the fact that I work (although they may have been), but just that it was outside of their experience and ability to advise. I also traveled on business occasionally (probably a total of five times in two years) and it was difficult for me to know at what point I only needed to pump for comfort as opposed to trying to maintain my supply. In other words, if we are apart for two days when he is 18 months old or two years old do I need to try and pump as often and as much as I think he would nurse, or just pump enough to relieve engorgement? It would be nice to be able to get some information about such things.
Not everyone who nurses stays at home or works at home or part time. It is very difficult for working nursing mothers to get information on what to expect or to get help with problems. I got the most help from a few very helpful people on newsgroups.
Our Story:
My son had bottles of expressed breast milk in day care from ages three to six months and nursed on demand when we were together. Two or three times per week I would drive to his day care at lunch time and nurse him but it wasn't very practical, so mostly I pumped two or three times per day. When he was six months old he got into on site day care at my place of employment and I went to nurse him there when they called me one to three times per day (usually twice). By the time he was 11 1/2 months old he was asking to nurse during the work day only once, usually at about 4:30 or 4:45 (we left work at 5). Also I had to have my gall bladder out which meant I would not be there for nearly two weeks to nurse him at daycare so I weaned him of the "work day" nursing and also introduced cow's milk as a sort of "back up" since he had never had formula at all. So, as of this time (approx one year old) he nursed three times per day: at wake up time, after work and at bedtime. When he was home sick (very rare -- he had a stomach virus once and coxsackie virus once) he would nurse more often and very rarely does he wake at night for any reason. I started the "never offer never refuse" routine at about age one, thinking he would start to self wean but he didn't.
As for toddler-hood, when he was about 21 months we were home for a week at Christmas and he gave up the "after work" nursing. I assumed this was due to the schedule change. He resumed it at age two for a week or two after moving up to a new daycare class for two-year-olds and experiencing some shyness and stress there. When he was about 28 months old we spent a week on vacation where he slept on a mattress on the floor in a room adjacent to ours -- his first time out of the crib. He gave up the morning nursing that week, again I think due to the change in routine. By this time he was nursing for a very short period of time at night and usually playing around a little at the same time.
Sometimes I think he would have nursed forever but when he was 33 months old I injured my back and could not sit down for two or three days (even after that sitting was uncomfortable for a while). My husband and I basically decided this would be a good time to wean him. When my husband would put our son to bed and he would ask to nurse, Dad would tell him that I could not do it because I hurt my back. This seemed to make sense since it was the same reason I could not play basketball etc. After less than a week he stopped asking, although he has asked four or five times in the seven months since then. I always take his asking seriously and offer to hold him for a few minutes but I think he really only is using this as one more bedtime delay tactic!
On being a working mother of an infant:
I took 12 weeks for maternity leave, then back to work. I bought a pump to make efficient use of my lunch break. I would pump for 10-20 minutes (both breasts at once) two times daily at work when I first returned to work. I did this in place of my lunch break and other breaks for the day. Although I missed the socialization with my co-workers, it was a minimal price to pay for my son and his nutrition. I had to pump twice daily so I kept up with my infant from a feeding standpoint. My son never was supplemented with anything (formula, early solids, etc..) Somewhere when my son was into his 7th-8th month, he was eating more than I was producing at work. I even went to pumping three times a day at work. At the same time, he was grabbing the food off our table at mealtimes. This is when we started solids -- banana first, etc.. After a couple weeks, I went back to twice a day pumping. This continued until he was about 13 months, then I went down to pumping once a day. I pumped once a day at work until he was 18 months old. I always let my son tell me how much/ frequently I needed to pump simply by monitoring how much he was consuming during the day while I was at work. He is 21 months old now and is still receiving expressed breast milk when I am at work at least during his lunch time and some days for snacks. It depends on his mood. I do not pump anymore at work, but I still have a reserve of frozen milk that I am expecting will last for another three months. It really was an easy process.
I feel that this experience is important to share with other moms because I had to learn this largely by myself. My LLL group had no mothers who had experience with pumping and working, and it is really not explained very well in any book. For the most part, the info I could find on working moms and breastfeeding discusses the situation where mom can go to where the baby is (home, babysitter, etc.) and breastfeed during her lunch or break. The other example is bringing the baby to work with the mom. My experience is that although these sound wonderful, they are not very practical or widely exercised. More and more, employers are realizing that allowing new moms a designated area (room, space) for expressing is very important.
working - yes I agree with your firm stand about the effects of work on Moms and Babies. Even though I worked 16hour/week during the first year. I wish there was some way to tell young women -- go, get big educations, and tough jobs, but save your money so that when you decide to become a parent, you will have a choice. Education will not bring about the liberation of women, High paying jobs (when coupled with expensive lifestyles) will not bring about the liberation of women, but money in the bank --- it just might do the trick! Look at the society we live in -- I don't agree with it, but that's the hand of playing cards we are being dealt! Still there are some interesting nursing toddler issues.
At our daycare center I was offered a rocking chair in the director's office to nurse in. (So that I wouldn't make the other parents uncomfortable -- sad) That was handy when baby was very small, but now whenever I try to take him up there he wants to explore the place -- a very un-baby-proofed office! Some days after work I'm quite full, I guess the car would serve better.
I was able to take my daughter with me to work, when I returned at four months. I worked in a non-profit that had a whopping local staff of two and my office was housed in an old house. I kept her with me all the time. Now I am nursing again -- although in my own home and I now own my own business.
I was very turned off by the opening statement in MYNT, "so you've come to terms with being 'just a mom'"...ahem, I
teach high school science full time during the school year, and I am
still actively nursing my 15-month-old every 3-4 hours around the
clock. Last year, our nanny cared for him at school and I
reunited/nursed almost every hour and a half, on various free periods
and breaks.
I resent the implication that any good nursing mother is a
stay-at-home-mom if she is reading the book.
Please remove that
offensive quote from a babysitter who compared playing with a baby to
having an illicit affair with a woman's husband. This is not only
inaccurate (our culture does not support polygamy but we do care for
each other's children, and well, too!) but it also betrays a view of the
mother as the important/sole parent...i.e. that all relationships are
relative to her.
As far as the employment issues goes, I did find that nursing helped maintain a closeness when I had been gone all day, and it was our special time. (I think he's finally weaned at three years, 10 mos.) I do think that a mother who works outside the home will have a child that weans earlier. I think my son would have kept on going, but since January I've either worked full time or close to it, so his afternoon nap nursing went by the wayside. If nothing else, I think it's important to mention that women do work outside the home and nurse toddlers.
My son is about to be one in two weeks. We are still happily breastfeeding and plan to until he decides to wean. I had no choice to return to work and did so when he was eight weeks. I agree that mothers should be home with their babies, but unfortunately it is not always financially possible. I am so glad I continued to breastfeed after returning to work. Not only did it help save money during his first year, it more importantly helps us maintain a bond only I can give him. I look forward to cuddling him and spending that special time with him before and after work and all weekend. Even though I can't be there with him while at work, it helps to know he is getting a little piece of mom in his milk. I still pump at work at least once. I receive many comments--many good, encouraging comments from mothers who breastfed their babies and some curious as to how much longer do I "have" to breastfeed. I explain simply I enjoy breastfeeding my son and have no intentions of setting a deadline on our breastfeeding relationship. I have even encouraged other new mothers to continue to breastfeed upon returning to work.
I have heard some working moms say to me, "my employer won't let me pump at work" when I wonder if they really took the time and energy to discuss their needs with the employer. It seems like if an employer (in today's society) really were to deny someone the right to pump, they would quickly have a lawsuit on their hands. Some people are self-conscious about discussing their new-mom needs with their employer or may feel like they are putting the employer on the spot to make special arrangements for the mom. I felt like when I came back to work that my priorities had so drastically changed, that if I had been denied my right to pump (feed my baby) that I would have quit the job. (This never was an issue, my employer already had set up a pumping room) I guess I think baby first, work second.
I am a Dutch mother to an 11-month old boy and I work three
days a week. My husband is at home with our son one day a week and he
goes to daycare on the remaining two days. I have pumped while at work
and nursed while at home and this has been relatively easy. The reason
I'm writing to you, is that I feel that there is very little information
available for working mothers who want to continue nursing past about 9
months. I didn't care much for pumping any longer, but I cared a lot for
nursing! The advice I would get when I asked, would be either one of:
- stop pumping now,and you should also drop the
corresponding feeding time when at home. My problem with this was that I
was afraid it would be the beginning of an 'unintended weaning' as you
call it.
- only pump when necessaryto relieve yourself and
keep nursing on your days at home, but take care to keep up the supply.
My problem with this was that my working days are spread over the week,
so I feared I would be constantly working on increasing or decreasing
the supply.
Recently I've joined the mailing list on attachment
parenting and I've heard a very valuable piece of information from
various working mothers. Their experience is that once a child gets
older, for almost all mothers their milk production tends to be much
more flexible. This process starts at about 9 months of age, and is
usually completed by 12-15 months. This means women can go to work
without pumping for maybe 9 hours and then stay at home the next day and
nurse as much as they want. The milk supply when nursing seems to stay
the same, though the amount pumped may fall back some. This seems to
correspond to the experience of 'staying at home' mothers that a
toddler may want to nurse all the time one day and then hardly nurse the
next.
Since my son is only 11 months old I don't have this
experience myself yet. However, I have gone from pumping twice a day to
pumping once at nine months and I haven't noticed a decrease in my milk
supply.
It is my feeling that many working mothers would be very
happy to know this, since it means that after working hard at pumping
for half a year you can have your cake and eat it!
I see so many mothers around me who stop pumping around 9 or 10 months from being so tired, when they're actually nearly there!
I took 12 weeks for maternity leave, then back to work. I bought a pump to make efficient use of my lunch break. I would pump for 10-20 minutes (both breasts at once) two times daily at work when I
first returned to work. I did this in place of my lunch break and other
breaks for the day. Although I missed the socialization with my
co-workers, it was a minimal price to pay for my son and his nutrition.
I had to pump twice daily so I kept up with my infant from a feeding
standpoint. My son never was supplemented with anything (formula,
early solids, etc..) Somewhere when my son was into his 7th-8th month,
he was eating more than I was producing at work. I even went to pumping
three times a day at work. At the same time, he was grabbing the food
off our table at mealtimes. This is when we started solids -- banana
first, etc.. After a couple weeks, I went back to twice a day pumping.
This continued until he was about 13 months, then I went down to pumping
once a day. [part of this message lost in a computer crash. Sorry!]
I feel that this experience is important to share with other moms because I had to learn this largely by myself. My LLL group had no mothers who had experience with pumping and working, and it is really not explained very well in any book. For the most part, the info I
could find on working moms and breastfeeding discusses the situation
where mom can go to where the baby is (home, babysitter, etc.) and
breastfeed during her lunch or break. The other example is bringing the
baby to work with the mom. My experience is that although these sound
wonderful, they are not very practical or widely exercised. More and
more, employers are realizing that allowing new moms a designated area
(room, space) for expressing is very important.