Remember that this is minimally edited text -- like "letters to the editor." Identifying information, such as names, has been removed; but otherwise it is posted here pretty much as it came in. So read it as personal opinion shared with warm intentions but without authority of any kind.
I read MYNT when it first came out and I needed reinforcement to nurse her past 12 months. I re-read it when she turned 2 1/2, I re-read it at three and four. I stopped reading it after that because the book was pretty sparse with information on nursing past 5 :-D
My daughter doesn't often let me come out of the closet, but I will share with you the little secret that she nursed until 2 months before her 7th birthday. At that time, she hadn't nursed in a couple of days, asked if it was okay, and started to nurse. She looked up at me and said, "You know, Mom, I really feel kind of silly." We both laughed and knew it was over.
I can't believe I'm getting teary-eyed over sharing this with you. My daughter is now a college freshman.
I read the comment [about nursing school age children] in your list and found myself feeling uncomfortable with it, although I consider myself a lactivist and strongly believe in breast feeding. Perhaps another book is needed ... "Mothering Your Nursing Children".
One comment I've heard on MYNT is a wish for more on nursing beyond age three. That's really beyond the "toddler" age, but it would be helpful to those of us who go for longer.
Would it be possible to address the "Pre-school nursing child", the areas dealing with how to tell your child that not all children he/she might meet still nurse, but it doesn't mean he/she will have to stop nursing?
I am nursing my 4 1/2-year-old son and a 2-year-old daughter. I, of course, never thought I would be nursing an almost 5 year old, much less tandem nursing for 2 years, with no end in sight. . . . Nursing a 2 year old has been a vastly different experience than the current 4 1/2 year old. And with no end in sight, I envision discussing with him if he wants to tell his Kindergarten and 1st grade teachers that he nurses; all kinds of new situations.
At times I feel very alone when it comes to this topic. I don't know of anyone personally "still" nursing a child as "old" as mine. She enjoyed nursing as a baby, a toddler, and now a preschooler. I remember searching for any information regarding extended nursing when I suspected she was nowhere near weaning herself when I was expecting my third child. No luck! To most people, extended nursing means past the age of one or maybe two/depending on how small the child is!
I am practicing TRUE child led weaning with my daughter, she is now five years old. I don't think she'll be nursing for many more years! I will always treasure these last five years I've shared myself with her. She taught me how to love without expectations.
It seems to me that there may be a need for two books -- one for those already committed to extended breastfeeding who need support and one for those with younger babies who are still considering their options. Before I became pregant with my third child I dreamed about writing a book about tandem nursing and nursing older children (age four and beyond). I don't know how mothers manage to write with little ones under foot! Anyway, it was extremely helpful for me to get to LLLI conferences where I was not the only mother nursing a four year old or pregnant and tandem nursing. Even within my generally supportive LLL circle here it seemed like I was in the most extreme nursing situation.
When I read MYNT, my child was about 4. I felt rather alone. When he turned 5, I felt very alone. The only reason I did not wean him was because it was so obviously a great need. He finally self-weaned at about 7 1/2 after going weeks between nursings. My second son is 5 1/2 and may or may not be done. He asks every now and then. I find it rather annoying now, I guess I don't have much milk left, very little prolactin and I suspect that he's not suckling right. They really pretty much weaned together, in spite of being 25 months apart in age. Come to think of it, they toilet trained together too at 2 and 4.
Until I read K. Dettwyler (A Natural Age of Weaning), I felt like the only person in the world who had ever nursed a 6 yr old, and I had read your book many times. I'm really hoping that you, who are so much more read than Dettwyler, will provide more support for long time nursing mothers.
I would like to see more about nursing kids at five and six years old. Perhaps that was not included in your book because it is not common, or you felt it would intimidate or scare new mothers. There is some mention, but it is general, I'm looking for specifics. How to work with older kids and their needs in light of how mother feels. I wanted to wean long before he was ready, but his need ( so I think it was a need) seemed so great.
While my oldest quit nursing abruptly at one year (from four times a day) my second child nursed until she was around seven. All that time, 25 years ago, we had special meetings for mothers nursing toddlers past a year. Then it became two years and then three. And that is where it stopped. One by one, nursing couples fell off till there were only two left nursing a child past the age of four. Once in a while we would call each other. The conversation usually went something like this"
"Yours still nursing?"
"Yep. And yours?"
"Yep."
And then we would giggle and the conversation would continue around [other] issues, because by then nursing our children had become a routine thing. No big deal. We just did it.
When my daughter was around five or six, I asked her once if she still got any milk. She answered, no.
I asked her, "Why do you nurse then?"
She looked at me rather surprised and answered, as if it was the most obvious thing in the world, "Because I like it."
The last couple of years the nursing time was never very long. About a minute or so. It was easy, relaxed and done matter-of-fact. A fall, a scrape, a disappointment, some tears. "Do you want to nurse?" Without a word she would climb on my lap, snuggle and nurse for a minute and that's all it took. Recharged, she'd slide off my lap. We nursed in private. Easily done. Once, though, we were with my family in the Netherlands. She asked to nurse. She was around six. There was nowhere to go, so we went to a corner in the room and discreetly nursed for about a minute. No one said a word until later when I was told that that had been a most disgusting thing to do. Ah well.
And then one day I realized that she had not nursed for a couple of months. It surprised me that it had happened so quietly. I had been told that that is how it would happen. Suddenly you realize that that last tie had slipped loose. That was nearly twenty years ago. I still miss it once in a while.
I love your book! Many nights I have stayed awake reading it for encouragement and support. The main comment that I could make is that In my limited experience, I think that children, given a choice would prefer to nurse longer than 2-4 years. In fact, several mothers that I know are nursing children who are older than 5 and show no signs of weaning. I have heard about many grade school age children sucking their fingers. These children might be nursing if given a choice. Also, I think that recent years have show much research that demonstrates the health benefits of extended breastfeeding. Please tell readers about the many health benefits and include the references so that they can educate their doctors, midwives, family members and friends. By the grace of God, my children are very healthy. My daughter, 16 months, has never been to a doctor for illness. She nursed exclusively until 11 and 1/2 months, when she began eating solids. Her diet now is mostly breast milk with as much food and drink as she chooses to consume, which usually isn't much. My son, 4 and 1/2 years, has seen the doctor only 2 times in his life for illness. He started eating solids at 9 and 1/2 months. I feel that delayed solids, with extended breastfeeding has helped my children stay healthy.
You might consider a chapter about nursing after they've started school. Something like "Through the Chain-Link Fence" :-D
One subject I wanted to express was a section on very extended nursing-nursing school age children. I am currently tandem nursing a seven year old and a nearly five year old. I realize this is not very common but have come across even 9 an d 10 years old still nursing occasionally ... perhaps mention about the advantages/the choices. I see it as an extension of continuing to meet the child's needs.
A mother recalls nursing her daughter, who is now grown, through "a disastrous time ending up with a breast abscess and an angry weaning at about 2 1/2. She missed nursing so much though that we gradually started up again, nursed through a pregnancy and tandem nursed. She finally weaned by contract a couple months after her sixth birthday. She says she can remember deciding it really was time to wean. She asked to nurse again a couple times after upsetting experiences but finally once she asked and tried and I pointed out she had forgotten what to do (how to suckle). So we were able to laugh about that."
The same mother goes on to describe nursing her other two, also long weaned: "My second child, a daughter, nursed until she was about 5 1/2. I became pregnant again, we continued to nurse but then she was gone for a week on a family visit. When she returned home and tried to nurse again it was so uncomfortable we negotiated a reward for her weaning. It was no problem at all. I think she was obviously ready. She claims she doesn't remember nursing as long as I remember her doing it--which I take as evidence it wasn't that important for her after about age 5. My third child, a boy, also nursed until about 5 1/2. I had figured I would let him wean on his own, but I started finding that nursing became annoying to me. I wasn't getting any of the typical prolactin relaxation response, I assume because he wasn't nursing very often. Also I think he was starting to forget how to suckle properly. So I told him we were just going to have to stop and we had a reward for him doing so. He wasn't upset about it that I remember. When I asked him about it now he says he doesn't remember weaning."