Comments and Input from Readers

Nursing Through a Pregnancy

Last month we made a trip to visit my in-laws, traveling in the evening when the children could sleep through the trip. We arrived around 10 PM and were greeted by my in-laws and some guests they were entertaining for the evening. We put my three-year-old into bed and my 9-month-old awoke to nurse. As I sat nursing him in the kitchen, the conversation among the guests and our family turned to breastfeeding. A woman in her 50s explained her difficulties maintaining a milk supply, likely due to lack of support and misinformation. We spoke about the various advantages of nursing, particularly the convenience and the immunological benefits. Then, someone else asked, innocently, "How long did you nurse your older son?" Thinking I would take my time and choose my words carefully, I took a deep breath and heard my husband's loud proud voice pronounce, "OH! Amy is still nursing him, of course." My in-laws' friends, being polite and quick-witted, nodded and smiled, offering measured "Ahhs". Shortly, confusion appeared on the face of the woman who had originally asked that million-dollar question. "I didn't think you could, eh, how do you, I mean -- how does that work!?"

I told her that nursing through pregnancy is very safe and probably more common than she would guess. Some exceptions exist, of course, such as women with multiple miscarriages or histories of preterm labor (although the connection between nursing through pregnancy and having these problems has not been established by research). Such mothers might delay getting pregnant until the child self-weans, be closely monitored during pregnancy with a willingness to wean abruptly, or actively wean their child. I explained that in every way, my body favored the fetus and, after birth, the newborn baby. The required calories and nutrition were distributed and all hormonal processes were taking place in a way that would promote a good healthy baby. Really, I assured her, my body was speaking loudly and clearly about its preferences.

The hormonal changes associated with pregnancy cause sore nipples in many women who continue to nurse, so it became very painful for me during the first trimester, and off and on throughout the rest of pregnancy. Sometimes, it was most sore for the 10 to 20 seconds after the initial latch-on, and it would feel fine for the rest of the session. On other occasions, it remained uncomfortable the entire time.

Fortunately, he was a verbal child and old enough (22 months to 31 months) to understand when I needed a break. Understanding does not mean easy acceptance, of course. There were many rough days -- days when my child seemed to need more from me than I had. Or perhaps I simply could not give it in the form to which he was accustomed. One thing that helped us through was singing. One of us would choose a song and I would sing it, with the agreement that when the song was over we would stop nursing. It gave him some warning that we were almost finished, and I was free to choose a slow serenade, or step up the tempo as I felt necessary.

Until this time, most nighttime needs were met by nursing. But I reached my limit after three months of night nursing, nipple pain, and the exhaustion that comes naturally from pregnancy and toddler-chasing. A handful of nights was difficult and full of protest. The process, though, was gradual and flexible in cases of illness and nightmares. Mid-night, we ate bananas and yogurt in bed, drank soymilk and water, snuggled and reminded this two-year-old that we would nurse "when the sun comes up."

Nurse in the morning, we did. We also nursed for Naptime, a pregnant woman's relief, and a time that would not have been possible had I not continued nursing through pregnancy (nursing to sleep was the only way he could nap). I counted on the rest, and enjoyed the time to myself, realizing that with a baby on the way, these times alone were numbered. However, naptime nursings were among the most trying, because I was not free to call up a tune and stop when it became irritating. We had to nurse until he was asleep. By mid-pregnancy, nursing was less often painful and more often intensely irritating. Not with soreness, but with a sensation I used to describe as similar to enduring a 30 minute Wet Willy. (For those of you deprived of this grade school torture, a Wet Willy is when someone moistens their finger with their tongue and inserts it into your ear, and wiggles it about). It sounds funny, but it was actually quite serious. The sensation was extremely uncomfortable. I have seen various mammals shove away their nurslings during weaning-time, aggravated and grumbly, sometimes violently. I have had all of these feelings and inclinations.

I certainly will never violently or grumpily wean my son for any reason, physiological or otherwise, and I quite hope that he can end our nursing relationship in his own time. Many women nurse through their pregnancies with minimal discomfort, and go on to have rich tandem nursing experiences. Many other mothers find that their child wean naturally during pregnancy due to diminished milk supply and the changing flavor of the milk. I have learned that in my case it is best to wait until the older child has weaned before getting pregnant. I do not plan to ever wean an unwilling child, and I am unwilling to have this experience again, so if we have any more children, they will be spaced farther apart.

In June, when my son was two years old, he watched with his grandmothers and aunt as his brother was born in our bedroom. Within minutes, Brother Baby (as he was termed) was nursing, and within the hour, my toddler was too. He fell asleep, getting the familiar comfort of Mommy milk, after a stressful and life-changing day.

For further reading on nursing through pregnancy and tandem nursing, see: