Input From Readers

Input From Readers

Nursing Burnout

Remember that this is unedited text -- like "letters to the editor." Identifying information, such as names, has been removed; but otherwise it is posted here pretty much as it came in. So read it as personal opinion shared with warm intentions but without authority of any kind.

A mother nursing a challenging 4-year old writes:Being burned out on nursing the 4 year old makes it hard for me to be enthusiastic to others about the fact that he nurses, and I feel a little embarrassed because almost nobody I know understands nursing a four year old. Does that make sense?

I am a true sufferer of nursing burnout! My 5 and 2 1/2 year old are always demanding "me me mama" and I do get very tired of hearing it. However, if I were to deny them, I would have two hysterical children on my hands and absolutely no idea how to calm them down, for nursing has been a Godsend! Sometimes I daydream, or fantasize about one day when I will not be nursing. The reality is, my children will need me just as much, only in different ways. I often take a step back and remind myself of just how fast the time is going, so I appreciate it all more. This seems to help a great deal.

[In MYNT, I argue that burnout is normal, even when the nursing relationship is an easy one. (I don't go on to say that burnout comes sooner or more inevitably or forcefully if things are difficult, but that seems a reasonable expectation.) I suggest that somewhere along the way the mother's drive to nurse is satisfied, and the desire to "do something else" may begin to build up. I'm interested in knowing what today's real life experience may be. Is there an urge to wean? Does it vary from person to person? How much is it influenced by how easy or demanding the child is? What other external factors play a role? NJB]

One mother writes: I got "burnout" during pregnancy at seven or eight months. I get "burnout" waiting for my ever-late husband. I get "burnout" cleaning, cooking, talking to negative people, etc.. It is what I do with the "burnout" that gets me through it. My solutions may not be yours.

[An Australian MD writes:] I cope with burnout by limiting the length of feeds, or distraction. I do find that sometimes he'll go on to hurt himself and end up on the breast anyway, which tells me that he has a real need. I've also noticed that when I get on the computer or telephone, or any other activity that's more focussed, he'll want to feed.(I have your quote [from Mary K. White] stuck on our phone to remind me; "when you're on the phone, you're gone from the neck up.") Still, it is a big commitment, and I choose to breastfeed rather than to work, as I don't have the energy for both this time around. I notice also how right-brained, for want of a better expression, it keeps me, and I think that's a good way to be with all of the children, and I don't attempt to do too much, which keeps my focus in the home. These are such brief and precious years, and I relish them.

My 22-month-old daughter is still nursing. I expect she is my last child and right now I'd love for her to nurse forever. I have not yet reached the point of "burn-out" with her. I remember hearing a mom say this at an LLL meeting about her last children (twins!) and I didn't really understand then.

See La Leche League International's Toddler Tips: Burned Out on Breastfeeding? and Nursing Burn-Out