Remember that this is unedited text -- like "letters to the editor." Identifying information, such as names, has been removed; but otherwise it is posted here pretty much as it came in. So read it as personal opinion shared with warm intentions but without authority of any kind.

I nursed my oldest throughout my pregnancy and for about 14 months after his sister was born. He weaned "cold-turkey" on his 3rd birthday after we had talked about what age he thought he would stop nursing. I was surprised--I fully expected him to say "3 year olds DO nurse, Mom!" but he just stopped. He went from at least 6 or 7 times a day to nothing overnight. I was delighted! I could finally enjoy nursing again!

I did not find it too difficult to nurse him during my pregnancy -- when I got pregnant he was only 13 months old and weaning just wasn't an option -- he was still a baby! I did find that I was no longer able to sleep through nursings and so I did night-wean him at about 18 months. I told him we would nurse "when it was light" and gave him a sipper cup of milk and sometimes cookies (I was pretty desperate for him not to nurse at night) when he woke up during the night for about 6 months more, and he did not stop nightly waking until about age 2 1/2. In fact, now at age 4 1/2 he still wakes about 1 night in 4.

I greatly disliked tandem nursing. I mean, I am glad that I did it because at 21 months my son so obviously still needed to nurse, but I found that I had very hostile feelings toward my older child. In talking to other friends who have tandem nursed I think these feelings are not uncommon, especially if the older child nurses frequently. The feeling was so strong that I feel it must be instinctual, to protect the baby. The moment my daughter was born I went from enjoying nursing my son to feeling impatient and even angry at him every time. My son nursed every time his sister did, except at night, and sometimes once or twice during her naps, right up until he weaned on his 3rd birthday. His skin got baby-soft again and for about 2 months he gave up solid foods almost entirely. Then I started insisting that he must have breakfast before nursing in the morning, lunch before nursing at noon, etc.

The main benefit of tandem nursing was that my son really needed it. I think he still weaned sooner than he would have if his sister had not been born, but the extra year of nursing helped meet his needs and he is remarkably secure and separates easily, etc. However, that often-described benefit of the children looking lovingly into each others' eyes while nursing definitely did NOT happen in our case. My daughter was BORN competing. I think she was about 3 days old the first time she put her foot on her brother's cheek while he was nursing and tried to shove him off! They generally squabbled over my lap and jockeyed for position, etc. throughout nursings.

I found tandem nursing uncomfortable, and impossible to do discreetly. I chose to nurse them simultaneously since neither could wait, and also since they each nursed so frequently and for so long (every 2 hours for about 45 minutes) that if I nursed them separately I would have done nothing else! I either hiked up my shirt and just bared everything, or I lay down on my side, nursed the baby in the typical side-lying position, and my toddler crouched over my side with my upper arm around him and held the breast for himself (mostly when nursing to sleep).

What helped most was spending a lot of time away from home, because my son was less likely to nurse when out, but my daughter was easily overwhelmed by "busy-ness" so this got tricky at times. I do not feel that tandem nursing in any way made my mothering easier, but it was the best solution to my children's needs.

I hope your new edition of MYNT will include more stories which depict the negative feelings mothers may have when nursing siblings. Although I would not have weaned my son any sooner, I may have waited longer to have my second child if I had known what I know now. I am currently pregnant with #3. My daughter is 2 1/2 and I am determined to either wean her (gently!) before the baby comes, or at least get her down to maybe one favorite nursing a day.

In general I would like to see a more realistic portrayal of the range of negative feelings mothers can have toward nursing as their child gets older. I would like to see more space devoted to those negative feelings and perhaps also to ways of coping with them.

I think it is misleading to suggest that the typical toddler only nurses briefly and/or infrequently. In my circle of friends, extended nursing is the norm. As a rule I have not noticed a significant decrease in the frequency of nursing among most children before age 3 at the earliest, unless there is regular mother-baby separation or mother-imposed limits on nursing times, places, etc. It is very common in my experience for 2 year olds and up to nurse 8 times or more in 24 hours, to wake 2 or more times at night to nurse, and for these nursings to last at least 20 minutes. Likewise, it is a rare case that any child weans before 4 in the absence of other factors such as birth of a sibling or mother-led weaning.

One more topic which may be of interest is acknowledging the restlessness mothers may feel from years of "chain-nursing" -- one child after another can make you wonder if your body will ever belong to yourself again! In a similar vein, it would be nice to hear that while it's normal to grieve when your child weans, it's also normal to feel relieved, even joyful!

In reading over this email I realize I might sound like I hate nursing! Far from it! I am committed to meeting my children's needs and not hurrying them toward maturity. It's just that I think the old edition of MYNT did a fine job of covering the joys of nursing a toddler, and the benefits. I simply would find it more supportive to include more material for those of us who wonder if there's something wrong with us for feeling impatient with the little one who's "still" nursing, "still" waking at night, for wanting our bodies to belong to ourselves again(however unrealistic that is once we're mothers ;-D ), or for feeling like celebrating when our little ones wean. I think breastfeeding literature sometimes is afraid to present what seems like "negatives" for fear that it will scare people off. But I feel that by presenting a balanced picture, along with some ways to cope with these natural feelings, you will be more supportive than just giving a rosy picture and leaving us to wonder what to do when it doesn't turn out that way.

Thank you for your wonderful book and all the support it has provided me. I eagerly await the new edition (hopefully in time for #3 to be a nursing toddler!)