Humor

Remember that this is unedited text -- like "letters to the editor." Identifying information, such as names, has been removed; but otherwise it is posted here pretty much as it came in. So read it as personal opinion shared with warm intentions but without authority of any kind.

One day when talking on the phone, my son asked to nurse and I told him he had to take his gum out first. My friend asked if I was sure he wasn't ready to wean! A friend said that weaning should occur when they can say "Happy Meal"! Well, we are a couple of years past that!

A cautionary tale about a helpful toddler.

Yesterday, my 2 1/2 year old son and I were playing with play dough. We Made a big ball and a little ball. My son called the big ball "Mama Ball", And the little one "Baby Ball". He then stuck the baby to the Mama, and exclaimed, "Drink milk!" We are planning to conceive another child later this year, so being curious, I made a tiny ball and put it on the table. (what would he do?) My son stuck the tiny ball to Mama ball, and said, "Drink milk, too." I guess he doesn't mind the idea of tandem nursing!

My son, age 2.5, always puts his dinosaurs up to my breasts, during our bath, and makes smacking noises with his lips, then says "side" and switches the sides. You aren't a real woman, until you've nursed a triceratops!

My son has always called nursing and also my breasts, "snacky". We bike ride to see our neighbors cows frequently, and the cows often are nursing the new babies. As we pulled away on our bikes recently, my son, age 2.5, was bidding farewell to his cow friends, and he said, "bye, Merry Moo Cow. Bye, Brown Baby, bye, Mama cow with snackies.". We didn't even realize he had noticed the baby cows nursing! Now, when I'm feeling a bit burned out, and he's nursed more than the usual (morning, nap and bedtime), and he's asking for "snackies"..I tell him to go see the Mama cow with snackies, if he wants to nurse, and he gets hysterical laughing at the thought.

My son is fifteen months old, and tends to get jealous whenever I am on the computer we have in our home. He almost always will come over to do "ba" when he sees me sit down in front of the computer, and he has started bringing me a pillow whenever he wants to nurse. Toddlers are known for their acrobatic nursing, and mine is no exception. The other day as I was doing some typing and nursing at the same time (I've had lots of practice), He was doing his usual contortions. Soon, he was squatting on the desk in front of me, between me and the monitor! That has to be one of the most unique nursing positions yet! Would that be the reverse cross-keyboard hold?

This week my 3 year old has been sleeping through the night for the first time. I told her how proud I was of her that she was getting bigger and slept the whole night without drinking mama milk. With a serious look, she said, "But, mama milk makes you bigger!"

My daughter, age 2 1/2, sometimes confuses her words when tired; substituting a "similar" word i.e. thirsty for hungry, or mommy for daddy. One early morning she was nursing and wanted to nurse on the other breast. Usually she says "want the other milky." That morning she said "want the other smile." Then she realized her "error", looked at me and laughed.

I guess she associates "milky" with "smile". So do I.

I asked my daughter "what does milky taste like?" Her response "juicy milk"

My 23 month old toddler calls my right breast "other side", but with her baby pronunciation it comes out like "udder side", which cracks us up

When I'm trying to postpone nursing, she really knows how to wheedle by saying, "nursing just five minutes, pease (please)?" She also loves to sing, and she has a nursing song she sings to the tune of "Frere Jacques". It goes:

"Nursing, nursing, Mommy nursing,
Udder side, Udder side
Nursing five minutes, Nursing five minutes
Mommy pease, Mommy pease"

With a serenade like that, who can resist??

Nursing words are so varied from child to child. the only constant seems to be their uniqueness as they operate as both a verb and a noun. The following story (from an article I wrote about nursing words) occurred when my 3rd child, a son, was about three years old.

I was pushing my co-Leader's two daughters on our big swing in the backyard when my son came outside to join us.

me - "Do you want to swing?"

toddler - "Well, I was going to have Ba-Ba's but I guess I'll swing first."

visitor (age five and weaned for some time now) - "What are Ba-Ba's?"

me - "They're Mommy-More's."

visitor - "Why does he call them Ba-Ba's?"

me - "Why do *you* call them Mommy-mores?"

visitor - "Because that's what they're really called!"

My nearly three was beginning to understand the biology of nursing. She looked at me very seriously one day and said "Mommy, I am drinking milk out of your breasts!" yes, I said. "Let me see the milk?" she said and came off so she could see me express a drop. Now that she is three she has almost weaned herself. She has figured out though that the one way she can get me to sit down is to ask for "neh, neh" but once I'm sitting and unbuttoning she will say "but first, we have to read a story." After a few times I caught on, what she really wanted was the story. This one has been going with me to LLL meetings since she was conceived, so she knows her facts. We saw some earthmother figurines at the recent craft fair. "What is this mother and baby doing I ask her, expecting to here that they were having "neh, neh." No.... my stickler for accuracy said right to the ladies behind the table. "They are breastfeeding, mommy!" As if I didn't know!

My daughter, age 17 months, has been getting "raspberries" on her belly, neck, cheeks, etc. since she was just a couple months old. Two weeks ago, she climbed up to nurse, got comfy, and put her mouth to my breast. Instead of suckling, she gave me one heck of a "raspberry". Of course, she set herself into hysterics with her new game. Her papa gets a pretty big kick out of it too.

My 18mo old likes to use her nose to blow raspberries in my breast while nursing. Then she gets this wide-eyed look, releases the nipple and says POOP! Like she doesn't know where the sound came from.

I really enjoyed the toddler discussions on why women have "nappies" (breasts) and my daughter's realization that only some have milk. She once told my mother that even though she had nappies they just didn't work (My daughter was 3 years of age when she made this discovery). Out of the mouths of babes.

Our 25 month old son is still nursing frequently. He asks for "nonnies" often. He also calls everyone else's breasts "nonnies". The other day he said "Papa's nonnies broke?" and then later when Daddy came home he said the same thing, "Daddy's nonnies broke?". He had Daddy give his doll nonnies, too.

My son was 4 yrs. old when my daughter was born. I was a little curious as to how he would view our nursing. He took it all in stride and eventually asked if he could try. I offered my breast with my heart pounding.......he had been nursed only a few days and this was going to be weird! Luckily he laughed and just walked away. I guess I had responded in the correct way, he was reassured that there was nothing I would give to his sister that I would refuse him.

It was a few months later when I realized how nursing had impacted him. We were watching t.v. one afternoon and an ad came on for a kids movie (Power Rangers) and there was a very buxom villain in one of the scenes. My son turned to me and said, "Wow, Mommie, she is really full!" I was in hysterics! But glad to see that my nursing had given him such a natural view of breasts!

My daughter has a favorite ABC video. When she asks to see it, I know I'll have a few minutes to make a phone call, etc. A while back I wondered why I had seen it so many times just from "O" to the end. Then I realized, N is for "nurse" and whenever she saw that she would come running to find me!

Another Leader who tandem nursed older children once told me that her older child used to bring her MYNT to read when he wanted to nurse. He knew that she'd always feel like nursing him after reading your book!

We were playing with her sister's Barbie one day, and changed her clothes. I couldn't help but ask if Barbie had deedees. She said "no" and laughed as if I were nuts.

I had been caring for a neighbor's newborn for about a week and my 20 month old son, Roger, started caring for his toddler boy doll. He would put him in the baby swing or bouncy seat. One afternoon I saw Roger hugging his doll and kissing him on the forehead like I have always done to him. The next thing I knew, Rog was sitting on the floor with his shirt up trying to nurse his doll! It just warmed my heart to see my son being so nurturing.

When I pick my daughter up from "school" in the evenings, she likes to nurse before we go home. For a long time, a little cadre of toddlers would form a semi-circle around us while she nursed and watch with fascination.

"She's drinking your bobos?" one would ask with puzzlement.
"She's drinking her milk," I'd say.
"She's drinking her milk?"
"Yes."
"Is it chocolate milk?"
"No, silly, it's mommy's milk."
"Mommy's milk?"
And so on. Evenutally, they started nursing the dolls -- even the boys.

My fourth daughter, (age two today!) loves her mommy milk as she calls it. She also likes chocolate milk, or coklit milk. I guess if she would have to choose it would be mommy milk first but barely. : ) My husband has been teasing me that she is as much a chocoholic as her mama is. That is pretty intense. One night a couple of months ago, she was enjoying her bedtime mommy milk snack. Daddy leans over and asks her playfully, "Is that chocolate mommy milk?" Without even stopping, she replies, "No," and continues nursing. She then switches sides and before she starts she looks up at him with a twinkle in her eye, pats my right breast as she says, "Dis coklit mommy milk!"

     My son is now 18 mos. old, still nursing on demand day and night. He is quite verbal and that makes the extended nursing experience priceless.
     He calls nursing "nuckies." One day in the supermarket, we were in the baby aisle and I picked up a package of nursing pads. He throws his arms up in the air and shouts, "Nuckies! Nuckies! Nuckies!"
     He also offers my nursing pad to me when he finishes nursing and puts it against my breast. How polite!

When my daughter, 2 yrs. old, finishes nursing on one side, she asks for the "other nannie". To which, I reply she needs to flip, instead of going through contortions. She has since come up with "flip, flop." Also, my daughter enjoys choosing her breast. She will lift my shirt and ask for nannies. So, I will ask her which one she wants. With great seriousness, she points to one or the other and says, "that nannie."

I recently decided that some of my "first generation" nursing bras were worn out. I purchased several more, of a different style. My two-and-a half year old son delighted in the expanded selection of bras! For a few days after my purchase, he would settle in to nurse, notice the bra I was wearing, and say, "other bra!" So off to the bedroom we went, to choose the bra of that particular nursing session! When he chose a bra, I would say, "Oh..you want me to wear that bra" He replied,"Ohhh yes!" with a bright smile.

My children both prefer to call my bras, "nannie holders."

Both my son, 3.5 yrs. old, and daughter, 2 yrs. old, think it is great fun if I squirt them with my milk. It started in seriousness to teach them that the "nannies" were inside my breasts. And has evolved to a game.

My daughter thinks it is extremely funny to pretend to nurse from her daddy. She just cracks herself up. Also she makes me laugh when she plays peek-a-boo, hiding as much of her face under my breast. Sometimes she'll laugh so hard milk will come out her nose and she'll have to stop to catch her breath. Too funny!

When my twin daughters were three I usually nursed them simultaneously. One would see the other having a snack and decide that she was also in need of 'liquid refreshment'. Often after nursing for a few minutes they would look into each other's eyes and one would pull off and say, "Switch sides!" and they would proceed to run around the chair and latch onto the other side. What a great game! It's so nice to have those memories, they are now eight! They weaned themselves at about 3.5. One nursed for about a month longer than the other.

The funniest thing about our little nursling was her first multiple word combination: "Other side!" followed soon after by "Other side, boobie!" She now sings songs about her love for Mommy, Daddy and Boobie.

I am currently nursing my daughter, who is 2 1/2. A little while back, she developed the habit of really pulling back hard while nursing, which needless to say, pretty much hurt!!! So I reasoned to myself, Why don't I just tell her she is hurting me, and ask her to stop? So I did, and sure enough, she complied with my request to stop pulling back. Then she unlatched, and told me "See, Momma? I no wanna huht you, I just wanna dwink!"

My 20 month old knows how much his mom loves the computer. He also knows that this is the prime nursing time because I won't turn him away while I'm typing. Recently, he has learned to pull out the desk chair, gesturing for me to sit down and log on. Of course, he soon follows by latching on.

My 3 year old loves her 17 month old brother. ( which I attribute to seeing his birth and tandem nursing) Recently, she has been trying to offer him her "milkies". She goes to him, pulls up her shirt and says, "Here's your milkie, baby". He is unsure of what to do and reacts by calling out, "Mama, mama". The funny thing is my 3 year old believes he is then calling her mama so she says, " I'm your mama. Here's your milkie!"

Our 4 year old son (weaned just before his birthday) could tell us why he liked to nurse or why he needed it. Very enlightening and funny at times.

Well, one of the funniest offshoots of me feeding my three children to 4, 4 and 2 1/2(so far) is the way that everybody in our house plays at breastfeeding every body else. J., 2 1/2, offers me his "baboos", and mimics me telling him "incy tincy bit... now stop" (That's how I deal with breastfeeding burnout!) E., seven is still very interested in my breasts, and I have fed her when engorged, but I found that around seven, maybe with her adult teeth, her pull on my nipple is too hard for comfort. She feeds off J. as well as my husband (they all do). Interestingly, none has nursed their dolls or toys at all, except when E., one, first saw a Barbie doll and tried to nurse her. It's the beautiful things that the children say that keep me going when it feels tough, like Z., at two (being tandem fed) "That bees is best bees".or J., two, "Mummy I like your baboos."

My daughter nursed until she was almost 4 years old. She would come to nurse when she thought mom was having a rough day and needed to sit down for a bit. She would sit on my lap and smile at me. Most of the time she didn't even nurse, just tricked mom into sitting down and holding her for a while. Afterwards she would say me, "Feel better, Mom; you feel better?" Cute!

Some anecdotes that turned into cartoons in the 2000 edition.

At the end of a long day with my then two-year-old, he asked to do nursing--again. I tried to distract him by asking if he was thirsty. He said, "No! I'm nursty!" We nursed.

The other day my four year old said to me "mommy I'm nursy!" and I asked her what she meant. She explained "Thirsty for mommy milk!" She really enjoys talking about nursing now and often tells me "When I grow up, I will be a mommy and I will nurse you!"

     When my daughter was four years old she would tell me that my milk was "as good as steak!" This would always bring a smile to my face.
     Now she's five and her little brother is 2 1/2. When she "empties" a side they will switch and my son will usually exclaim "this one's BROKEN!" (Gosh, I don't think these things could ever break after all the wear and tear they've been through!)

My daughter calls nursing nonnies. The other day when I had a lot of work to do, my 32 month old daughter asked to nurse. I reluctantly sat down with her. As I unbuttoned my blouse, she grinned at me and said "this nonny is so perfect, I want to put it on my shelf and keep it forever." I forgot all about my work and just smiled and hugged her.